All posts tagged pregnancy

Unconventional AND Traditional?

With my posts about wearing Doc’s and having tattoos, you may think I am unconventional. I would say yes to a degree but in my heart, I am pretty traditional.

I started dating Derek in 1999. We were two friends working at The Black Dog. I helped him through his grandpa’s death and his mom’s fight with breast cancer. Somewhere in between, we fell in love.

If you have ever been in the same room with us, you would know we seem to be complete opposites.
– Derek was a junior hockey player, I was vegan.
– I was in post secondary, Derek wasn’t even sure he technically graduated from high school.
– I am a book nerd, Derek likes to work with his hands.
– I was pierced and tattooed, Derek had three small tattoos (a whole other story)
The one thing that always keeps us together are our values and core beliefs.

Both of us knew we wanted to be parents. This was one of the first conversations we had as a couple. In order to do this, we got engaged, married, bought a house, put money in savings and got jobs with benefits. We had a common goal and wanted to be prepared to bring a child into the world.

This is us.

I have a lot of friends with different values.
– Friends that don’t want to have kids
– Friends that don’t want to get married
– Friends that don’t want to be in committed relationships
– Friends that want to have children

I know I have missed people and situations but, I am sure you get the picture.

The weirdest thing that I heard lately was someone say “We just want to have a kid right now, we are not ready for a commitment like marriage”.

What!?!

Have you ever been around a toddler? Do you know how hard it is to raise a child? Do you understand that raising a child is a commitment? One that can be a hell of a lot harder than a marriage?

I am having a hard time with this one.

Is this why I get asked a million questions from kids? Little T is your daughter right? Is Derek her daddy? Do you live together? Do you have any other kids? Do they live with you? Have you been divorced? Are you married?

It’s almost like being a married couple who have a planned child is crazy.

I am not saying that every family/couple should fit a traditional mold but, I think common values and beliefs should be the core of your relationship.

I Will Never Forget

September 9th is coming up. Not only is it the birthday of one of my first boyfriends and my amazing Grandma/neighbor, it is the day my little person should have been born.

We had issues getting pregnant with little T so we were really surprised to find out it only took 1 month to conceive. Man, I was so happy to be pregnant again. Words can not express how much I already loved T and a new addition scared and excited me. I often considered if I had enough love for two kids and how the heck would I find twice as much time in my day. So many things were going through my head but none prepared me for what was going to happen.

I was sick during my pregnancy, really sick. Once a day I would turn green and go pale. It would scare my coworkers. I chalked it up to morning sickness, went on Diclectin and moved on. At 11 weeks, I started bleeding. From the moment the Dr. told me the embryo stopped growing and that they couldn’t find a heartbeat, my life changed. I howled, like a hurt dog, I cried until I stopped breathing, I blamed myself.

Two incomplete miscarriages, internal hemorrhaging and an emergency D&C later, I was no longer carrying a child.

My husband was devastated beyond belief. We had bought larger vehicles, started picking out names, told our choices for godmother and godfather and everyone else we knew. Why us? Why me?

I still see the sorrow in his eyes sometimes.

I reached out to my friends and family. I was astonished to find out how many women I know have gone through this. It’s like a heart wrenching secret club that no one talks about.

As I am Good Mom and a true optimist, I focused on finding a silver lining. I went after a job I really wanted (and got) and started to spend more true quality time with my family. If anything, this experience has brought me closer to the people who brought me out of such a dark place. The people who know the significance of September 9th and will once again, get me through it.