Last week, I was on Breakfast Television talking about my latest blog post—How to Leave an Abusive Relationship.
Today, December 20th, 2014 is a day I’ll never forget. Today is the day that I found finalized divorce papers in my mailbox. Some would find this heartbreaking, but I feel relieved, happy, and finally in control of my life. For the first time in 16 years, I feel free.
I never thought I would get here. I tried many times to get out of my abusive marriage, but always took him back. He constantly told me I couldn’t do it on my own. I couldn’t look after two very young children and myself. I wasn’t strong enough or smart enough and I needed him. He threatened me by saying that he would take my kids away and that no court would let me keep them because I didn’t have financial backing from family members. He was wrong on all accounts. I was strong enough, I was smart enough, and I didn’t need financial backing. I just needed a plan.
My normal routine is: get up, put robe on, let dog out, make breakfasts/lunches and then go downstairs to shower. On this Monday morning, I walked down the stairs and stepped into a giant puddle of water a couple of inches deep. There was water EVERYWHERE.
My basement was flooded.
My Darling Baby,
I’m sorry this took me so long to write. People have told me that time heals wounds and that things get easier. Although losing you hurts less now, I think of you every single day.
Continue reading →
Being a single parent is hard enough, add in trying to meet someone and it’s nearly impossible. Top that off with having been out of the dating pool for 14 years and it becomes a heck of a lot of trail and error. I have learned some big lessons though all of this, ones that I would like to share with you. Ones that I may have to refer back to in the future. Continue reading →
I could say that my first crushes were George Michael (I was so upset when I found out he was gay), Ricky Schroder (I loved Silver Spoons. I can still remember my favorite episode. Ricky gets dumped by a girl and he squishes chocolate eclairs in his hands while their song plays on the radio. Yes, the one and only Broken Wings by Mr. Mister) and Tony Hawk (No additional information needed). But, my first REAL crush. Like, a boy in real life was Steven Hrushka. Yes, I am using his real name. Maybe he will find this post and it will make him laugh.
My Dearest Azalee:
A year ago today, you came into this world. 9 months before that, you were just a tiny little bean in my body.
When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was cautiously excited. I went to bed every night, rubbed my tummy and told you how much I already loved you and asked you to find a way to be extra sticky.
The doctors sent us to an early ultrasound and the tech went right to your tiny beating heart. I must have asked the lady 20 times if she was sure everything was okay. Each time she told us you looked perfect, more tears formed. Happy tears.
You forced me to eat watermelon, Kraft Dinner, bubble tea and Pizza Pops. The cravings were insane. You were stubborn even before you were born.
When I see a picture of a newborn baby on Facebook, I’ll click to read the comments, even if I don’t know the parents. I love seeing pictures of wee people, reading their name and tiny pieces of their birth story.
A couple of weeks ago, I saw a comment under photo of a new baby boy that said: “Welcome to the Big Girl’s Club, (insert mom’s name here)!”.
At that moment, I really wish I knew the parties involved. I really, really wanted to write a comment about how ridiculous it was to think that having a child made you a “Big Girl” and on the flip side, not having a child makes you lesser of a woman.
I can’t believe 2012 is coming to a close. It was an absolutely amazing year full of so many great moments. I figured I would take a moment to reflect on them.
January was a month of change. I started getting ready for our new baby who was due in March. Tenesea helped:
Derek also became a year older and a year wiser.