All posts in Parenting

A love letter to my baby

by Tech Mommy on March 17, 2013 in Life Lessons, Love, Parenting, Uncategorized with 1 Comment
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My Dearest Azalee:
A year ago today, you came into this world. 9 months before that, you were just a tiny little bean in my body.

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was cautiously excited. I went to bed every night, rubbed my tummy and told you how much I already loved you and asked you to find a way to be extra sticky.

The doctors sent us to an early ultrasound and the tech went right to your tiny beating heart. I must have asked the lady 20 times if she was sure everything was okay. Each time she told us you looked perfect, more tears formed. Happy tears.

You forced me to eat watermelon, Kraft Dinner, bubble tea and Pizza Pops. The cravings were insane. You were stubborn even before you were born.

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Welcome to the Big Girls Club

by Tech Mommy on February 11, 2013 in Family, Life Lessons, Parenting, Personal with 17 Comments
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When I see a picture of a newborn baby on Facebook, I’ll click to read the comments, even if I don’t know the parents. I love seeing pictures of wee people, reading their name and tiny pieces of their birth story.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a comment under photo of a new baby boy that said: “Welcome to the Big Girl’s Club, (insert mom’s name here)!”.

At that moment, I really wish I knew the parties involved. I really, really wanted to write a comment about how ridiculous it was to think that having a child made you a “Big Girl” and on the flip side, not having a child makes you lesser of a woman.

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2012 in Review: Babies, Kindness and Running

by Tech Mommy on December 31, 2012 in Health and Wellness, Just For Fun, Life Lessons, Love, makejensday, Parenting, Personal with 3 Comments
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I can’t believe 2012 is coming to a close. It was an absolutely amazing year full of so many great moments. I figured I would take a moment to reflect on them.

January
January was a month of change. I started getting ready for our new baby who was due in March. Tenesea helped:

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Derek also became a year older and a year wiser.

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I Feel Like the Walls Are Caving In

by Tech Mommy on November 22, 2012 in Health and Wellness, Life Lessons, Parenting, Personal with 7 Comments
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I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Literally. My 1200 square foot home is completely full of stuff. It is completely overwhelming which is making me feel like I need to buy a bigger house.

I grew up in row houses, apartments, single-wides, double-wides and finally a house about the size of the one I’m in now. Our family squished ourselves into some confined homes, but I never felt this way.

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What Does a Feminist Look Like?

by Tech Mommy on November 2, 2012 in Health and Wellness, Life Lessons, Love, Parenting, Personal, Social Media with 3 Comments

My brain has been squishy all week. In fact, I’ve learned so much this week that I believe my brain has leaked other information out. Seriously. I have been struggling with simple math today and I’m blaming it on feminists.

I hear the word ‘feminist’ being thrown around a lot lately and honestly, I didn’t know what it truly meant until this week.

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The Start of Something Huge

by Tech Mommy on October 27, 2012 in Health and Wellness, Parenting, Personal with 13 Comments
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I’ll let you in on a little secret: I do my best thinking in the shower. Something about the heat, water and solitude ignites my brain.

Last week, I had an epiphany moment in the shower. I need a new fitness goal. A goal that is even loftier than running a 5k. One that is going to keep me focused for more than 9 weeks. Something so insane, it scares every part of my being. It came to me as I poured shampoo into my hand.

I am going to train and run a half-marathon in September 2013.

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My Daughter the Princess

by Tech Mommy on October 4, 2012 in Parenting, Personal with 4 Comments

As I struggle to find a clean dress for my four-year old daughter, I’m muttering some unsavoury words that I hope she isn’t paying attention to.

Right now, she refuses to wear pants. Why? Because princesses wear dresses.

As a kid, I was raised on Disney. Sunday nights were my absolute favourite. My siblings and I would eat supper quickly to make sure we didn’t miss even one moment of the Disney movie that started at 6.

This was before PVRs, VCRs and even TV remotes. It was my brother’s job to move the rabbit ears to get the best reception. Poor kid would watch the TV on his tippy toes with one arm stretched out at times.

We watched Cinderella be saved by a prince. We watched Sleeping Beauty be saved by Prince Philip and we watched Snow White be whisked away by Prince Charming.

None of this really phased me as a child, but this morning, when I asked Tenesea why she was begging to wear a dress, her response was “I want to be beautiful, like a princess”.

As usual, I told her that she is always beautiful, no matter what she wears. I tell her she is beautiful inside and out. I make sure that I thank her when she’s being good and tell her how proud I am when she figures something out on her own. Is it enough?

I get her love for Disney Princesses, I really do. Fairy tales are so interesting and fun. They take you to far away lands and are full of adventure. But, the princesses are typically saved by a prince or knight in shining armour.

I feel it’s my job as a parent to encourage her to strive beyond her dreams and to remind her that she’s unconditionally loved.

At four, is she being lead to believe she will need to find a man to save her and wear dresses to be attractive?

Her honest conversations with me about beauty and intelligence are scary at times. There is a fine line between worrying about unnecessary things and knowing that most of what a person learns comes from first experiences and childhood. You flip up a light switch and the light turn on. You put shampoo in your hair and rinse it out. These lessons we learn and do without thinking. They become second nature.

I’m worried that Tenesea’s second nature will be comparing herself to ideas and images that are unattainable and unrealistic.

I wish I had an answer to this. I wish I had the secret key to building the self esteem of a young girl so she knows she is amazing, intelligent, compassionate and beautiful.

If you do have the magic key, please let me know. I’m struggling here and could use some help.

Distracted by Shiny Objects

by Tech Mommy on September 27, 2012 in Parenting, Personal, Social Media with 1 Comment

Remember the dog from Up? The one that is all excited and listening, then turns and yells: “SQUIRREL!”? Well, that’s me in a nutshell.

I have a million things going on in my mind at any given time. I try so hard to concentrate on one piece, but I know all it will take is one shiny object to take my attention away.

I think this is why I love Twitter so much. I read, scroll, read, scroll and then something catches my eye and a conversation starts or a link is shared. No need to really focus on one thing at a time. It’s perfectly normal for people to be having more than one conversation at the same time with different people and my feed is constantly refreshing. Twitter works with my “shiny” attention span.

My lack of an attention span gets me on trouble a lot. I come home from work, set down my bag and head down the stairs to change out of my work clothes and onto my comfy clothes.

Somewhere during the attempt to change my clothes, I get distracted.

Here is the typical conversation in my head while I’m getting changed after work:
“First thing: go downstairs and change clothes”
“The baby is okay for a couple of minutes, right?”
“Where’s Tenesea”
“I should check my email”
“Wow, there is a lot of cat hair on these stairs”
“10 stairs till you get to the bottom”
“Is that the baby crying?”
“I wonder why that client hasn’t gotten back to me yet”
“I really like this perfume”
“Do the cats have food?”
“What’s on TV tonight?”

Hubs: “Jen, what are you doing down there?”
Me: “Changing out of my work clothes. Be right up.”

“Woah, it’s only been a minute”
*checks watch*
“Okay, 5 minutes”
“What am I wearing for work tomorrow?”
“Shouldn’t the lightbulb down here be brighter?”
“I had a pair of earrings that I really liked down here, I wonder where they are”
*roots through jewelry box*
“Hmm, wonder where they are. When did I wear them last?”

Hubs: “What the heck are you doing down there? You still making supper or what?”
Me: “YES! I’ll be right up”

“What are we having for supper again? Oh yeah, salmon and rice. I should make that yummy honey garlic sauce. Do I still have that recipe somewhere? Pinterest maybe?”
*Searches through Pinterest for the recipe. Gets distracted by a zombie bedding set. Finds recipe and accidentally swipes right, making the recipe blog move to a more recent post. Anger ensues. Finds recipe again and then accidentally moves it to another blog post again. So very angry now*

Hubs: “Jen! Seriously! Are you coming upstairs?”
Me: “YES! Holy!”

This is when I finally kick off my jeans and feverishly take my sweater off. In a rush, I leave my clothes in a pile on the floor. This pile gets me in hot water at least twice a week. According to Hubs, It should be easy to take my clothes off and hang them up so they don’t get dirty or covered in pet hair. This logic is completely lost on me.

If I ever tell you to text/call or email me a reminder about something, this is why. I’m dedicated, creative and loyal, but I’m also terrible at paying attention to any one thing at any one time.

What was the topic of this blog post again? Oh yeah, I should go pick up my pants.

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I don’t read my husband’s texts

by Tech Mommy on September 18, 2012 in Life Lessons, Love, Parenting, Personal with 7 Comments

When my Hubs and I started dating over 12 years ago, we never discussed our old relationships. We never had the “how many people have you been with?” conversation, because neither of us cared. Our current situation meant more than the past.

Even now, I have no idea If the person he introduces me to at a party is an ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t even cross my mind.

I joke with him that if someone else wants him, they can have him. While that is the truth (I’m not a jealous person), I know we are in this for the long haul. I trust him.

It came up in conversation recently that a person I know monitors her husband’s Facebook and text messages. Although I’m sure he knows this is happening, I wonder of he knows how many times she obsessively checks his social media sites and phone.

My first instinct is to feel sorry for her. Is she so afraid that he’s doing something bad, that’s she’s sitting on her laptop waiting for it to happen? Does she have a reason to be doing this?

Remember watching the part in Bowling for Columbine where Michael Moore makes the discovery that people in Canada don’t lock their doors? Yes, it was a generalization, but it resonated with me and made me think.

When I moved to Edmonton (the big city) from Sylvan Lake (very small town at the time), I carried my money in my shoe. Yes, I was young and naive, but it was more than that. I lived the first couple of months of city living in complete fear. It consumed me. I was so scared that someone was going to rob me, I jumped at shadows.

23 years later, I’ve never been robbed. It doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. I chose to look at things in a positive, glass half full kinda way.

It’s for these reasons that I will never monitor my husband’s text messages, emails or social media sites. Instead of spending my time worrying about who he’s talking to and what he’s talking about, I’ll just ask him at the supper table.

Stop comparing my daughters

by Tech Mommy on August 22, 2012 in Family, Life Lessons, Love, Parenting, Personal with 1 Comment

As I rolled my shopping cart up to the Costco doors, I had a moment to focus on my two little girls. My two beautiful little girls. My little girls that everyone likes to compare.

When Tenesea was a baby, she wasn’t getting the amount of breastmilk that she needed to thrive. She gained weight faster after being given formula and grew like a weed. She’s 4 years old and is wearying size 6/7 clothing. She’s energetic and very active.

Azalee is in the 85th percentile for height and weight. She’s already wearing 9-12 month clothing. She’s been on formula since she was 6 weeks and she is bright eyed and so eager to learn. She rarely cries and will offer up smiles to anyone she makes eye contact with.

Ever since Azalee was born, people have start making comparisons between the two girls. I hear things like: “Tenesea was so skinny and Azalee is so fat”; “Azalee is so chunky. Like a little butterball”; “Did Tenesea have rolls like this?” and my personal favorite “Azalee is cute for such a dark baby”.

By comparing my girls, people are assuming that Tenesea is too skinny and Azalee is too fat. They are also making the assumption that Tenesea’s size is acceptable and Azalee’s is not.

The worst part is that people are saying these things in front of my daughters.

When I was in grade 3, my teacher started talking to us about body image. She asked us if we would be more likely to buy something from a fat girl or someone that looks like Jennifer? This completely put me on the spot.

I was thin and tall and instead of being flattered by the statement (which I think was how my teacher intended it), It angered me. Why wouldn’t someone want to buy something from the smartest salesperson? Why would looks matter when you’re buying something? I though it was bullshit (yes, I knew that word at the time).

I remember everything about that moment. I remember where I sat in the class. I remember the giggles when she made the comparison. I remember the rage that bubbled up in side of me. I can even remember the smell of our classroom.

That comparison changed something in side of me.

At such young ages, a person can argue that my girls don’t realize what’s being said about them. But, what if they do?

What if Tenesea remembers being told she’s too skinny? What if Azalee remembers being told she’s too fat?

As their mom, I will compare their temperaments, foods they love, favorite snuggle positions and things that make the smile. I know I can’t stop other people from comparing, but I can help them both understand that how they see themselves is a million times more important than how other people see them.

I have two intelligent, beautiful and amazing girls.

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