Am I Intimidating or an Acquired Taste?

Jennifer Banks Edmoton

When I was 20, I went out on a date with a guy named Billy. This date was odd because IT WAS A REAL DATE. He wanted to take me out for supper and everything.

We went to Earl’s and we had some fairy light and somewhat awkward conversation. After we ate, he took me back to his basement suite in his parent’s house where we listened to music and talked about books. He dropped me off at my house and we didn’t even try to kiss me. At the time, I thought he was such a gentleman. Turns out, I was wrong. He never called me again.

Months later, I saw him at the bar and asked him why he never called. His exact words- “You are too intimidating for me”.

What the hell does that even mean? Intimidating.

Screen shot 2013-05-06 at 3.18.13 PM


Oh perfect. I scared the shit out of the guy (not really a loss anyway, my cat didn’t like him).

Worst part? I hear this ALL OF THE TIME.

Am I intimidating?  Why do I keep hearing this? Especially from friends who are considering introducing me to guys to date. How many times have I heard “I would introduce you to this guy, but you’re really intimidating?”.

Let’s take a closer look at me:

  • I am a single mom of two beautiful little girls.
  • I am a partner in a successful business
  • I own my own house and vehicle.

Wait. This reminds me of something…

The shoe on my feet, I’ve bought it. The clothes I’m wearing, I’ve bought it. The rock I’m rockin’, I’ve bought it. ‘Cause I depend on me.

If I wanted the watch you’re wearin’, I’ll buy it. The house I live in, I’ve bought it. The car I’m driving, I’ve bought it. I depend on me, I depend on me.

All the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me. All the honey’s who makin’ money, throw your hands up at me.

Thank you Destiny’s Child.

Back to the task at hand:

  • I’m smart and well read.
  • I’m speak my mind.
  • I’m stand up for causes that are close to my heart
  • I know a lot of people and have a lots of friends.
  • I’m very outgoing.

As a whole, I’m a strong, independent woman who has worked hard to be where I am. Are men honestly attracted to women who know less, make less and have less than them? Do men have to provide for a woman to make a relationship work?

I want a relationship where I’m an equal. I admit that I walk through life wearing rose coloured glasses, I’m a dreamer and an optimist, but this shouldn’t be too much to ask. I want someone who loves my strength, my brain and my independence. Someone who can handle being challenged intellectually and doesn’t just sit and wait for things to happen. I want someone who makes me more awesome and I will, in turn, make them more awesome.

I’m a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t going to settle. Maybe this is intimidating. Quite frankly, I’m over caring about it. Some might call me intimidating, but I think I’m more of an acquired taste. Much like my love for blue cheese. 

  • Tabatha Bourguignon

    Jen, I could have written this post. I’ve been told the same thing my entire life. I honestly don’t even pay attention to it any more. The way I see it? You’re intelligent and awesome, and the right people won’t see you as intimidating – they’ll just see you as Jen, that intelligent, awesome gal. :)

  • Nadine

    This is a rich topic. I think few men would openly admit they’re uncomfortable with strong, successful women, but I also think there is some hard-wiring and social conditioning buried deep on this issue.

    We could talk about the double standard of ‘assertive, take charge’ men in the workplace versus ‘bitchy, bossy’ women. We could talk about the dynamics of a household where one member is the primary breadwinner, and how that shifts depending on whether that’s a man or a woman.

    We could talk about the income gap between the genders, and the disproportionate percentage of men in leadership positions in all sectors – even the nonprofit sector, where women otherwise dominate.

    We could talk about women who go too far in the other direction, becoming the meaniest, most ruthless, most power-tripping people in a situation in an effort to ‘succeed in a man’s world’.

    Discomfort with and resistance to women in positions of power is definitely out there. I’m sure you’re not imagining it. We see evidence all around us, although in most cases we’re so used to it as part of ‘just the way things are’ that we’ve ceased to notice much.

  • Tanis Miller

    I’d date you. If I were single. And into women. I dig hot chicks with brains.

  • Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom

    I once heard that when people express a “negativity” about someone, it’s often a reflection of something they lack, are insecure about, or are envious of.

    You are you and no one should expect you to change to suit their needs, purpose or desires. You are awesome… don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (not that I think you would… you’re grounded, but try not to take “criticisms” like these to heart).