When I see a picture of a newborn baby on Facebook, I’ll click to read the comments, even if I don’t know the parents. I love seeing pictures of wee people, reading their name and tiny pieces of their birth story.
A couple of weeks ago, I saw a comment under photo of a new baby boy that said: “Welcome to the Big Girl’s Club, (insert mom’s name here)!”.
At that moment, I really wish I knew the parties involved. I really, really wanted to write a comment about how ridiculous it was to think that having a child made you a “Big Girl” and on the flip side, not having a child makes you lesser of a woman.
This makes me shake my head for so many reasons:
1) Not everyone can have kids.
Over a year and a half after we started trying to conceive, I was told I could never have kids. I had cysts over 10cm wide on both of my ovaries- Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). TMI, I know.
My husband and I took the news the best we could and decided we would be astonishing awesome parents to our animals and a fantastic aunt and uncle to our niece and nephews. We would travel and renovate the house.
When I ended up pregnant 6 months later, we were shocked. I didn’t become more of a woman, I just changed my plans and wondered how the hell it happened.
There are lots of reasons why people can’t have kids, or adopt or have the means to go through fertility treatments or IVF.
2) Some people just don’t want kids
My best friend has never wanted children and knew this throughout her life. She loves the fact that she can get on a plane last minute and just go somewhere. There is no one preventing her from sleeping in until noon or going out at 11pm. She doesn’t have to watch silly cartoons all day (unless she chooses to. She does have a thing for Spongebob) and can sit at the bar in a restaurant.
I love this about her. Our conversations aren’t centred around children and she’s the best damn auntie around. It’s her choice.
In fact, a lot of my friends have made the decision to not have kids. This doesn’t change them in my eyes, not at all. Just as I hope they don’t consider me less of a woman for breeding.
3) It’s none of your fucking business
Yep, guess what, it really is none of your business. A woman wants to have kids- none of your business. A woman doesn’t want to have kids- none of your business. A woman isn’t able to have children- none of your business.
Having a child doesn’t make you more of a woman, just like not having children doesn’t make you less of a woman.
Can we stop this bullshit please? Otherwise, I’ll be the girl trolling your Facebook photos.