A month ago, I was leaving on a trip to Mexico to watch my dear friend Bill marry his best friend—Zoie. I’d been planning the trip since their engagement and there was no way I was going to miss it!
Today, December 20th, 2014 is a day I’ll never forget. Today is the day that I found finalized divorce papers in my mailbox. Some would find this heartbreaking, but I feel relieved, happy, and finally in control of my life. For the first time in 16 years, I feel free.
I never thought I would get here. I tried many times to get out of my abusive marriage, but always took him back. He constantly told me I couldn’t do it on my own. I couldn’t look after two very young children and myself. I wasn’t strong enough or smart enough and I needed him. He threatened me by saying that he would take my kids away and that no court would let me keep them because I didn’t have financial backing from family members. He was wrong on all accounts. I was strong enough, I was smart enough, and I didn’t need financial backing. I just needed a plan.
My normal routine is: get up, put robe on, let dog out, make breakfasts/lunches and then go downstairs to shower. On this Monday morning, I walked down the stairs and stepped into a giant puddle of water a couple of inches deep. There was water EVERYWHERE.
My basement was flooded.
A couple of weeks after I asked my husband to leave, I had an Akashic reading with my friend Tara.
As she entered my home, she said I needed to slow down. She had been in-tune with my energy for hours and my anxiety was forcing her to clean. That’s the fun thing about my anxiety, I clean until I can’t clean any more and then clean again. It’s easier for me to move my hands than listen to my thoughts.
Birthdays have a huge significance to me. It’s how I see the start to a new year. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll drink Prosecco and hang out with my kids or chill with my friends on New Year’s Eve, but it just doesn’t feel like a big shift for me. Not like my birthday does.
I used to think that women in abusive relationships were covered in bruises, scratches, and welts. They were weak, scared, and shook a lot. At least that’s what my mom looked like to me when I was a child.
I always told myself I would NEVER end up in an abusive relationship like my mother. I’m too strong, too independent, and too wise beyond my years. I’d never let a man treat me like that.
Frozen: the movie I’ve seen at least 30 times and the soundtrack plays non-stop when my girls are in the car. Let’s just say I can bust out any Frozen song on cue and I’ve made my own Do You Want to Build a Snowman words including: “Do you want to poke your eyes out? Or maybe slit your wrists?”.