Has It Really Been A Year?

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Most of the time, when bloggers put up a post after a long delay, they start off by apologizing. This isn’t something I am going to do. In fact, I’m proud of myself for not posting. Weird, I know.

A year ago today, I asked my husband to leave myself and the girls. Our life together wasn’t making either of us happy and it was starting to affect the kids. Even at the young age of one and four, the girls were fully aware of being in a home without joy. As much as I tried to make life great for them and myself, it become very clear that you can’t fool anyone. You can’t fool your kids, friends, family and certainly not your own mind. On March 27th, 2013 I decided to make myself a priority and this took a lot of change. A LOT of change.

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I’m Independently Awesome

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I took down my online dating profiles last week. Did I meet someone? Well, I met a lot of people, but no, I’m still single.

The past 5 months have been hilarious, sad, fun and frustrating at the same time. In the beginning, I was beyond flattered that I was getting messages and that men were interested in me at all. Even the 25 year-old with MILF fantasies.

I went out on dates and they were always entertaining.

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My Darling Baby

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My Darling Baby,
I’m sorry this took me so long to write. People have told me that time heals wounds and that things get easier. Although losing you hurts less now, I think of you every single day.
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Dating as a Single Parent.

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Being a single parent is hard enough, add in trying to meet someone and it’s nearly impossible. Top that off with having been out of the dating pool for 14 years and it becomes a heck of a lot of trail and error. I have learned some big lessons though all of this, ones that I would like to share with you. Ones that I may have to refer back to in the future. Continue reading →

My First Crush and Killer Dwarves

Little Jen

I could say that my first crushes were George Michael (I was so upset when I found out he was gay), Ricky Schroder (I loved Silver Spoons. I can still remember my favorite episode. Ricky gets dumped by a girl and he squishes chocolate eclairs in his hands while their song plays on the radio. Yes, the one and only Broken Wings by Mr. Mister) and Tony Hawk (No additional information needed). But, my first REAL crush. Like, a boy in real life was Steven Hrushka. Yes, I am using his real name. Maybe he will find this post and it will make him laugh.

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It’s Not All Sunshine and Rainbows

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I spend a lot of time trying to find silver linings in situations. It’s the biggest task of an optimist. You are constantly struggling for something to hold onto. Something that makes the pain seem less and the hurt go away. Something that will drag you out of the darkness when you need it. The problem with that is, sometimes you need the darkness.

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Energy Messes With My Electronics

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A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in Roast working. Yes, actually working. It sure is nice to be able to grab your laptop, an iced Americano and a spot in the sunlight to inspire some creativity. On this day though, my brand new laptop kept shutting on and off. It did this for about a minute and a half before I finally realized what was going on.

I was giving a whole lot of Reike to a friend that was close to the building. I called her to see if she was okay and asked her to allow it to go where it needed to and to allow it to help.  A couple minutes later, I got a text message from her asking if it was better now. It was.

This is a normal occurrence for me. Well, that’s not the whole truth. I did shut down all of the energy coming to me and from me as a defence mechanism for quite some time, but that’s behind me now. If you don’t know what Reike is, it’s based on the premise that energy can not be created nor destroyed. I have the ability to tap into the energy around me to use it to heal or help others. Sometimes, I call on it and sometimes, like the instance above, it just starts flowing out of my head and hands. I can’t control it. It’s not painful or uncomfortable for me at all, I’m just a channel. I do wish it wouldn’t mess with my electronics though. Pretty much anything I touch can shut down or act really strange without warning. I’ve never totally wrecked anything though. I just cause surges.

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Am I Intimidating or an Acquired Taste?

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When I was 20, I went out on a date with a guy named Billy. This date was odd because IT WAS A REAL DATE. He wanted to take me out for supper and everything.

We went to Earl’s and we had some fairy light and somewhat awkward conversation. After we ate, he took me back to his basement suite in his parent’s house where we listened to music and talked about books. He dropped me off at my house and we didn’t even try to kiss me. At the time, I thought he was such a gentleman. Turns out, I was wrong. He never called me again. Continue reading →

Fighting Writers Block

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It’s been over a month since I last wrote on this site. There’s been so much to say, but I needed my brain to catch up to my heart before I could get my thoughts down.

I’ve always said that I welcome change in my life, and I do. For the most part, change is great. It gets your blood flowing and your brain moving. The changes that have happened in the past month were hard though, really hard.

I had to admit that my 9 year marriage was over and I filed for separation. Continue reading →

A love letter to my baby

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My Dearest Azalee:
A year ago today, you came into this world. 9 months before that, you were just a tiny little bean in my body.

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was cautiously excited. I went to bed every night, rubbed my tummy and told you how much I already loved you and asked you to find a way to be extra sticky.

The doctors sent us to an early ultrasound and the tech went right to your tiny beating heart. I must have asked the lady 20 times if she was sure everything was okay. Each time she told us you looked perfect, more tears formed. Happy tears.

You forced me to eat watermelon, Kraft Dinner, bubble tea and Pizza Pops. The cravings were insane. You were stubborn even before you were born.

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